1-19-04
INTRODUCTION
My name is John S. Oliver.
I was born again in 1977 at
23 years old.
That makes me 50 years old
currently.
I have been engaged three
times and never married.
I lost my virginity at 18
years old.
I was a leader in a Greek
social fraternity.
Promiscuity was part of my
pagan lifestyle.
My parents divorced while I
was in college.
They had almost constantly
argued during my childhood.
My only sibling has been
divorced.
Currently two of my
Christian friends are going through a messy divorce.
Both of these men are called
to ministry and their wives will not reconcile.
I have worked four years on
staff at a conservative seminary.
I have talked heart-to-heart
with men that long to become married.
Often this is motivated from
their lust and loneliness struggles.
Some want to become a
father.
Many recognize that marriage
is an essential credential for the pastorate.
These are hard working
students that are very dedicated to Christ.
I have not had occasion to
share this openly and honestly with single women.
I have longed to communicate
this candidly with my sisters.
God can use this anonymous
text format for me to reach you and many others.
ONE-ON-ONE
You can imagine that I am
your long-lost cousin, uncle or friend.
Let me pour my heart out to
you today.
My intentions are to promote
your long-term best interests.
I care most about how you
look back on your life decades from now.
I wish for you to have a
minimum of regrets.
I desire that you will have
consistently honored your core values.
I expect that you will
eagerly look forward to joining Jesus in Heaven forever.
May you have abided in the
True Vine and yielded an abundance of spiritual fruit.
Let me be frank and to the
point.
Few preachers will be this blunt.
Marriage is not a guarantee
of happiness.
Open your eyes and ears –
notice what really happens in families.
Talk candidly and at length
with many married women.
Pay attention to the divorce
statistics inside the church.
There has NEVER been a divorce
without much, much pain.
Romance is alluring.
Movies and novels hook into
some deep passions in your soul.
Your romantic tendencies are
natural and good.
But they can lead you astray
if they are not wisely harnessed.
Beware of the beauty trap.
Do not obsess about your
appearance.
Instead invest your time and
energy about your heart before God.
Very prayerfully choose your
close female friends.
Select those with whom you
can be open and honest when you are at your worst.
Stick with those you
appreciate better the more that you get to know them.
MAKE time to nurture the
best friendships.
Work with prayer partners
and accountability partners.
These may or may not be your
close social friends.
The greatest skill you can
ever gain is intercession – it just takes much practice.
Set very high standards for
your future husband.
Write these down and share
them with your close friends and prayer partners.
Do NOT compromise your high
standards when considering engagement.
Settle in your heart before
God that you are willing to remain single, period.
Put on the altar ALL your
hopes, fears, expectations, doubts and desires.
Let these go to God the
Father in Jesus name and pray this as often as needed.
The Bible says that a good
widow would have a track record of good works.
So follow your heart into
generous service to the saints and sinners.
FILL your calendar with
meaningful ministry.
Be sure to include mentoring
women that are younger than you.
There is no shortage of
children that want you to love them.
Lots of moms need a break
during the week.
Lots of girls groups need a
maturing Christian woman as a role model.
Seek God and find a way to
make a good income.
Do not look to marriage as a
meal ticket or security blanket.
The American church is not
ready to employ lots of women full time.
YET the mission field always
has plenty of openings.
These are turbulent times of
unprecedented changes.
Just lean on Jesus more and
better every year.
Diligently study the Bible
and faithfully APPLY what it says.
Feel free to forward this to
others.
(c) 2004 John S. Oliver